The Unwanted Admirer

Stop An Incompetent Suitor

Help to Stop An Incompetent Suitor Stalker by understanding what motivates them.

 An ‘Incompetent Suitor’ Stalker  is driven by the fantasy that you’re in love with each other.They want a loving relationship or very close friendship with you. They have never been in an intimate relationship with you. They are usually lonely, and believe that you love them too, despite all evidence to the contrary.

  • Keep the feedback to an ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker to a minimum (see the ex-partner section above for suggestions)
  • Do not be lulled into getting involved with this type of stalker in any way that you do not want to continue in the long term

An ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker continues stalking because their fantasy that they are in love and loved back, satisfies them.

  • Any protests to an ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker –that there is no relationship/ that you do not love them/that you are happy with someone else… are unlikely to make any difference
  • Your protests to this type of stalker will be misinterpreted  to mean things like – you are ‘playing hard to get’; you really love the stalker but just feel unable to declare it… yet
  • What you do, short of legal interventions, may have little or no impact on this type of  stalker’s fantasy
  • You need to keep careful evidence.

An ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker may carry on doing it for a very long time, on average over 3 years. They are less likely to assault, follow or watch you; more likely to send letters, phone, send presents. BUT take this behaviour seriously.


If you’re being targeted by an incompetent suitor stalker, you can assess the risk you face here