The Suitor

Stop An Unwanted Admirer

Help Stop An Unwanted Admirer by understanding their motivation for stalking you.

An Unwanted Admirer wants to be loved by you but will not accept that this will never happen. They want to start a relationship with you that can grow into an intimate relationship but have never been in an intimate relationship with you.

  • They will probably be a stranger or brief acquaintance
  • They are not driven by fantasy but by a desperate desire for closeness.
  • They are usually lonely or lustful and do not know what normal ‘courting’ behaviour is
  • They are poor at making any social contacts and may make insistent intrusive demands on you – the sort that a normal person knows would be off-putting.


How to help Stop An Unwanted Admirer: 

  • Understand they will ignore your responses, it is what they want that counts to them
  • Gather and retain evidence carefully. Do not throw away evidence
  • Keep the feedback to An Unwanted Admirer to a minimum
  • Be cautious about what you share on social media
  • Be firm. You can encourage this stalker by misplaced politeness or trying to be kind
  • State clearly you do not want a relationship with them (see the ex-partner section above for suggestions)
  • Make a note of every incident, date time, what happened, what was said and by whom, were there any witnesses, ask if witnesses will write down the date, time and what they saw; alert neighbours, colleagues, family and friends and ask them to keep records of sightings

They believe they are entitled to a relationship with you whether you want one or not but are NOT engrossed in the fantasy of loving and being loved back

  • They often give up after a relatively short period of intensive stalking if convinced that their approach will fail to bring about a relationship with you

An Unwanted Admirer is likely to watch and follow you rather than send letters or be violent

If you are being stalked by an Unwanted Admirer, you can assess your risk here