Mike’s Story

Mike* is a teacher. One of his pupil’s mothers misinterpreted his friendliness and banter for something else and became obsessed with him. She would turn up to his house and text and email him repeatedly. Mike was hugely embarrassed and when he had to explain to his wife what had happened, he was worried she’d suspect he’d been having an affair with the woman. Mike’s stalker has the hallmarks of an ‘Incompetent Suitor’ type.

How Can You Recognise An Incompetent Suitor Stalker?

  • The Suitor or rather ‘Incompetent Suitor’ Stalker is driven by the fantasy they’re in love with you and that you love them too.
  • An ‘Incompetent Suitor’ stalker wants a loving relationship or very close friendship with you.
  • This type of stalker has never been in an intimate relationship with their ‘victim’
  • Will probably be a stranger or brief acquaintance
  • An ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker is usually lonely
  • Believes that you will love them too, despite being told you won’t
  • An ‘incompetent suitor’ continues stalking because the fantasy that they are in love and are loved, satisfies them
  • May carry on stalking for a very long time, on average over 3 years
  • Thinks that they are entitled to the relationship
  •  More likely to send letters or gifts and phone than follow or watch you
  • Is more likely to be a female than other types of stalker

An Incompetent Suitor may stalk in the following ways:

  • Repeatedly, phoning, texting or emailing you
  • Repeatedly using the Internet to publish information about you
  • Repeatedly pretending to be you on the Internet and posting information
  • Repeatedly monitoring you online
  • Repeatedly watching or spying on you
  • Repeatedly following or waiting for you
  • Repeatedly going to your home or place of work
  • Repeatedly sending unwanted letters or gifts
  • Repeatedly ordering or cancelling goods in your name
  • Repeatedly damaging your possessions
  • Repeatedly stealing your personal property
  • Persistently trying to find out personal information about you
  • Making threats to hurt you
  • Making threats to hurt those close to you
  • Making threats to hurt your children
  • Contacting your friends and people close to you
  • Contacting your workplace and colleagues
  • Sending obscene or sexually explicit messages
  • Threatening to commit suicide


Is this your stalker? Find out what you can do.

You may find it difficult to tell other people what is happening. Perhaps you’re worried about what they will say? Whether they’ll believe you? Think you are making a fuss about nothing? Even make fun of you?

It is important to tell people, your safety may depend upon other people knowing

*Name changed to protect identities