Stop An ‘Incompetent Suitor’
What can you do about An ‘Incompetent Suitor’ Stalker?
Understanding what motivates an incompetent suitor stalker, may well help.
So what motivates an “Incompetent Suitor” stalker?
- They are driven by the fantasy that you’re in love with each other
- They want a loving relationship or very close friendship with you.
- They are usually lonely, and believe that you love them too, despite all evidence to the contrary.
- They continue stalking because their fantasy that they are in love and loved back, satisfies them.
How can I help myself if I am targeted by an “Incompetent Suitor’ stalker?
- Keep the feedback to an ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker to a minimum (see the ex-partner section for suggestions)
- Do not be lulled into getting involved with this type of stalker in any way that you do not want to continue in the long term
- Remember that protests to an ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker –that there is no relationship/ that you do not love them/that you are happy with someone else… are unlikely to make any difference
- Your protests to this type of stalker will be misinterpreted to mean things like – you are ‘playing hard to get’; you really love the stalker but just feel unable to declare it… yet
- What you do, short of legal interventions, may have little or no impact on this type of stalker’s fantasy
- You need to keep careful evidence.
An ‘Incompetent Suitor’ stalker may carry on doing it for a very long time, on average over 3 years. They are less likely to assault, follow or watch you; more likely to send letters, phone, send presents. BUT take this behaviour seriously.
- Do not send back letters
- Do not return presents. Instead, retain wrapping and any messages, label them on separate paper with date received, postmark and any other identifying information.
- See section on dealing with phone calls
**This is the only stalking group with more women stalkers than men
**They think that they are entitled to the relationship
If you’re being targeted by an incompetent suitor stalker, you can assess the risk you face here