The Unwanted Admirer

Stop An ‘Incompetent Suitor’

What can you do about An ‘Incompetent Suitor’ Stalker? 

Understanding what motivates an incompetent suitor stalker, may well help.

So what motivates an “Incompetent Suitor” stalker?

  • They are driven by the fantasy that you’re in love with each other
  • They want a loving relationship or very close friendship with you.
  • They are usually lonely, and believe that you love them too, despite all evidence to the contrary.
  • They continue stalking because their fantasy that they are in love and loved back, satisfies them.

How can I help myself if I am targeted by an “Incompetent Suitor’ stalker?

  • Keep the feedback to an ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker to a minimum (see the ex-partner section for suggestions)
  • Do not be lulled into getting involved with this type of stalker in any way that you do not want to continue in the long term
  • Remember that protests to an ‘incompetent suitor’ stalker –that there is no relationship/ that you do not love them/that you are happy with someone else… are unlikely to make any difference
  • Your protests to this type of stalker will be misinterpreted  to mean things like – you are ‘playing hard to get’; you really love the stalker but just feel unable to declare it… yet
  • What you do, short of legal interventions, may have little or no impact on this type of  stalker’s fantasy
  • You need to keep careful evidence.

An ‘Incompetent Suitor’ stalker may carry on doing it for a very long time, on average over 3 years. They are less likely to assault, follow or watch you; more likely to send letters, phone, send presents. BUT take this behaviour seriously.

**This is the only stalking group with more women stalkers than men
**They think that they are entitled to the relationship

If you’re being targeted by an incompetent suitor stalker, you can assess the risk you face here